I press on.

I want to encourage you. I want to be a light to the Kingdom of God, to glorify God with my words and actions. But I cannot do that in my own strength. My heart is heavy and I am weary. But the Lord is strong. So I lean on him and I write. And I pray that he will guide these thoughts and use these words.

I sometimes hesitate to share these thoughts, my intent is not to sadden or burden. But this is raw, real life. No masking, no pretense. I am not inviting sympathies but am sharing for the sake of truthfulness, for the sake of the one who gives me life.

The weeks pass and hardship seems to be making a habit of showing its face. Around me and within me. When does the grieving of 'what isn't,' of 'what cannot be' end? Will it ever, in this life? It seems to be only increasing. It overwhelms at times.

When pain occurs, the repercussion are not isolated to the point of impact. If the circumstance was just in and of itself, just an individual entity, it could be pushed aside with greater ease. But, like a web of wound silk, the effects of my body's weakness have attached onto and impacted every thread of life.

The product of these circumstances are an every day reality.

But God is a redeemer. He REDEEMS. He creates beauty from tragedy.
To redeem is "to gain or regain possession of something in exchange for payment." Jesus is our payment. His death brings you and me to life. Because of his sacrifice, we can open our eyes. We can be alive and live with hope.

Hallelujah.

I am not fully aware of where God is leading this life he is allowing me to live, but I believe with everything within me that he has created purpose in it.

"Not that I have already obtained all this, or have already arrived at my goal, but I press on to take hold of that for which Christ Jesus took hold of me. Brothers and sisters, I do not consider myself yet to have taken hold of it. But one thing I do: Forgetting what is behind and straining toward what is ahead, I press on toward the goal to win the prize for which God has called me heavenward in Christ Jesus."
- Philippians 3:12-14

This encourages me; this stirs me.
Onward and outward. I press on.